Rain and Routine
by looffy
Summary: There's a saying about how there is always a rainbow waiting after a bitter storm. Your life feels like an endless storm, and you've given up on ever seeing that rainbow.
1. Chapter 1

**hi! this is my first one piece fic...it's about time tbh. gotta love lawlu**

**i can either be slow or quick with updates-but as i've put in the tags, be warned that there will be some heavy topics occurring in this fic. characters dealing with loss, trauma, suicide, hallucinations, flashbacks, and death, and how a 20 year old with autism and a 27 year old with PTSD become heavily evolved in each other's lives without meaning to.**

**writing this fic will be a big toll on my emotional state probably, but the more positive feedback i get, the quicker updates come. but i've been planning this fic for awhile, and i've only recently gotten the inspiration to write it. im pretty sure the ending will be happy? if not i'll make a happy alt ending.**

**also, i DO have PTSD and autsim so i know what i'm writing about dont worry LOL..enjoy, or not, whatever makes ya happy.**

* * *

It's a rainy, dreary Thursday in April when you meet him.

The subway is mostly empty, and you're going home from an exhausting day at work. Honestly, telling the family of a patient that their loved one isn't going to make it _really_ isn't your favorite part of your job. It isn't anything you aren't used to, but it doesn't make it much easier. Your eyes wander outside the window, idly watching the tunnel walls as subway moves. For some reason, it puts you at ease. You feel a bit hungry, so you reach into your bag and grab your Snickers bar. You're about to unwrap it, but you feel a presence right next to you.

You glance over, not bothering to turn your head. It's a boy, who maybe looks around the age of 20. But his face had a sort of childish look despite everything(you think to yourself it's kind of endearing), and there was a curious scar under his his left eye. His hair was jet black, wearing a red hoodie with barbecue sauce stains on it and jeans with holes in the knees. He's staring right at you, and 'uncomfortable' is not a strong enough word for what it makes you feel. You aren't in the mood for this.

"What?" you snap, your face scrunching into an irritable frown.

"Nothing," he says. "Can I have a bite?" He motions to your snickers bar, and you narrow your eyes.

"No."

"No?"

"No."

"Ok, next time then."

You open your mouth to protest but-

Before you know it, he's already gone. Probably to a different part of the subway, but you don't really care enough to ponder more about it. You unwrap your candy bar silently, taking a bite as you direct your attention back to the window.

* * *

It's a stormy Monday on the same month of April when you see him again.

Your eyes meet, but neither of you say anything. His mouth is a thin line, and it looks like he's trying to figure you out, but isn't getting anywhere.

When you get off at your stop, you don't bother to look at him again, but you feel his eyes on you as you leave through the doors of the subway.

You can't help but wonder why he's so interested in you, and you don't rally _care_ enough to find out.

* * *

It's the beginning of May and it's sprinkling out. Or it _was_ sprinkling a moment ago-now it was pouring down mercilessly. How ironic, you think. Shitty weather to go with another shitty day.

Today was especially terrible, though. There was a patient that-that looked so much like _him_. Your chest becomes tight just thinking about it. But he's _dead_, and you think if you can save this patient's life, he'll come back to life.

_But you know the truth._

You don't feel any tears coming-you're numb to this. You're numb, you're numb, you're _numb_ and that's the most _terrifying_ thing about this.

You wish you could cry. You don't even care that you are in public-you would do anything for it. To feel tears run down your cheeks, to use such a simple expression of sadness-it's something people seem to take for granted. You want to cry it out, but you _can't_, you haven't been able to in a long time.

Maybe you are not _crying_, but you definitely are _trembling_. His face pops up in your head, over and over again, and it won't go away, _why won't it go away_-

The sound of a gunshot. You freeze, you know you are hallucinating that sound, but your heart is still beating violently against your chest, almost like it wants to run away, _you_ want to run away. The world is still, it feels like the subway stopped moving, that time stopped moving. Couldn't this have waited until you got home? You're wide eyes are glued to your feet, and you feel like you're about to throw up on this goddamn subway.

But then time resumes as you are nudged with...something. It's prodding at your elbow, and you turn your head slowly to see what the fuck or _who_ the fuck is bothering you right now-

It's a candy bar. A snickers bar(though half-eaten), being held by the red hoodie boy that you keep seeing on rainy days. You stare at him, and he nudges you again with it.

"What-"

"Take it before I eat the other half, silly! You seem sad, so I assumed you were hungry and...well I don't usually give my food to others but..." He makes a thoughtful face, suddenly looking puzzled.

"Well, whatever! Hurry and take it before I change my mind and eat it!"

You don't bother protesting. You take the candy bar, staring at it for a moment before biting into it slowly, savoring the taste. The boy takes a seat next to you, and normally you would tell him to fuck off but...he _did_ give you a candy bar, and you don't feel like arguing.

And you might just need some company for a moment, but you won't admit that too easily.

"I'm Luffy!"

"...Law." You take another bite, chewing it carefully. Snickers are your favorite candy bars, after all.

Luffy rambles on about his day and you aren't really listening closely, but for some reason, the sound of someone else's voice is oddly calming in this moment.

It has _definitely_ been a shitty day if you find this annoying rambling _therapeutic_.

You don't dwell on it any longer though, you just take in as much relief from reality as you can in the moment by listening to Luffy's constant talking.

When you get to your stop, you stand up but pause for a moment as you look at Luffy. _What an interesting name._

"Thanks for the Snickers."

You don't know what he said after that-you've tuned him out and you're ready to pass out when you get home and hit the couch.

* * *

You open the door to your apartment, dropping your bag onto the ground and falling onto your bed. You're still kind of wet from the rain, and you'd kill for a shower but...you don't want to move. Your chest still hurts, you feel a migraine coming on, and _fuck,_ you think of maybe calling off of work for the next five years. Or maybe calling off of life for five years, either works.

You apartment is quiet-as usual. You usually like the silence, but in this moment, only hearing the sound of water droplets hitting your window is unsettling. It makes you feel trapped and scared and everything you want to avoid feeling. You heart is beating fast in you chest again, and you hear thunder boom right outside your window.

The sound startles you, and you decide you are done staying awake to deal with this. Without changing into new, dry clothes or going underneath the covers, you close your eyes and feel yourself drift into a slow slumber.

You dream of everything you want to forget. You dream of the happy memories, you dream that everything is okay, but when you wake up, all you are met with is emptiness, disappointment, and a tear-stained pillow.

_The only time you can cry is when you sleep._

You glance over at the clock-it's only 2 AM, but you can't fall asleep again. You don't want to dream anymore, so you stand up and slowly make your way to the kitchen and make yourself a cup of coffee. You drink it black, even though that's not how you prefer it at all. It tastes bitter and disgusting, but you can't bother to even get the creamer out so you put up with it.

When you sit down at your kitchen table, you suddenly remember the raven haired boy who gave you half of his Snickers and you wonder why he _bothered_. You never shared even a single bite of your candy bar when he asked-why would he give up any of his to _you_? He was confusing, but if you were to be honest, you feel your lips curl up into a very small smile.

You haven't really smiled in a long time.

* * *

You don't sleep for the rest of the night, but you watch the rain fall and let your mind blank. Your coffee goes cold as you let it sit on the counter, resting your face in your palm and letting the feeling of emptiness put you in a state of nothingness. It's one of your coping mechanisms-when you feel too much, you begin to feel nothing. You stop being aware of everything around you, and you can _forget_ you exist.

You really need to find a new coping mechanism, though. You've tried so many things and nothing seems to work, so it's your default reaction for now.

Three hours go by, and you hear your alarm go off to indicate that it was time to get ready for work. You stand up, not too eager on starting a new, once-again miserable day, but that's how it works. That's how it always is.

You turn on your TV to check the weather- it's going to be sunny out all day. Disappointment fills your chest, but you put on your scrubs and grab your keys and head out to work anyways.

Suck it up. Move on in life.

But you never _truly_ move on, do you? And you can't help but wonder if you ever _will_.

* * *

"Law, have you been sleeping alright?"

"Yeah, yeah, Bepo. I've been sleeping fine, what makes you think I haven't?" You look at the chubby male, who you swear has a face of a teddy bear but it hardly fit his build. You wonder if you've been more obvious about how much sleep you really need lately, you thought you've been good at hiding it from others but...

"You have really heavy bags under your eyes-"

"I've always had them," You cut in, raising a brow, and your white haired friend groans and rubs his head.

"I _know_, but even more that usual. You look like a zombie, maybe you should take a few days off for yourself. I know you're really struggling right n-"

"I need to get going now, Bepo."

"Whatever, just...consider it, okay? I'm sure the hospital will understand!" Bepo calls after you as you walk away, and you feel a little touched at your friend's concern. You won't admit it to him, though, but you're sure he knows.

You decide to take his advice, because if _other_ people can tell you are in major need of a break, then you probably really do need one. You can allow yourself at least a _little_ peace, right?


	2. Chapter 2

You have the day off, but you have _no idea_ how to spend it. All the people you talk to are working, and you rather not spend your days off sitting in your apartment doing nothing. You decide you'll take a stroll in the city-maybe stop by the bookstore and get some coffee. Thankfully it is nearby, it's in walking distance even-so you don't have to worry about taking the subway or driving.

It's warm out, which you are thankful for. You rather not have to deal with walking in the rain, you don't usually mind it but you _do_ prefer to stay dry when you're taking a stroll. You put your hands in the pockets of your jeans, staring straight ahead of you and feeling...content. It was nice to not have to deal with the stress of work, the stress of seeing that patient that looks like your dead uncle, the stress of doing operations while running on 2 hours or less of sleep.

You arrive at the bookstore, heading towards the small coffee shop inside the store. You're about to get in line when you notice a familiar male sitting at a table made for two, but he...was alone, and wasn't even drinking any coffee. Nor did he have a book, he was just sitting there scribbling something on paper.

_Luffy_.

You order your coffee-with creamer and honey-and take a seat across from him. He blinks up at you, dropping his pencil and smiling.

"Law! What are you doing here? Can I try your coffee? I never see you here, why are you here?" He's shooting questions at you at the speed of light, and you just shrug in response. You don't really feel like keeping track of everything he is asking. But you do hand him your coffee, figuring you could share a bit since he _did_ share his snickers last time you bumped into him.

He grabs it takes a big gulp, suddenly stands up and pounding the table with a panicked expression. You know its hot but...his reaction is worrying you. You look at him, trying not to show you are too concerned, but you aren't sure if you're doing a convincing job.

"Luffy?"

He smiles weakly at you before sitting down, not seeming to really care about the stares they were getting.

"Sorry, sorry, I just forgot hot drinks can overstimulate me. And taking a big gulp was a mistake." He picks up his pencil again, going back to scribbling on his paper.

"So you...come here often, huh?" You ask, genuinely curious, because Luffy seems like the last thing he'd be interested in is books. And obviously he isn't here for the coffee, either. You are hyperaware of how flirtatious that line was, though, and wanted to take it back and ask it some other way. You had never thought about romantic preferences that much before, you think you like girls but it varies. Either way, you were never the type to flirt-especially not with _Luffy_.

He interrupts your thought process by answering your question. "Yeah! I come here every Friday."

"Why?" More like why are _you_ so damn _curious_. You hardly understand it yourself.

"Well, because that's just how it's always been."

When you glance over at his paper, and realize he's been playing tic tac toe with himself this whole time.

You don't ask why this time.

"Can I play with you?" you ask before you know you're even speaking, and his face brightens.

"Yeah! You better watch out though, I'm _super_ good at tic tac toe."

You exchange the paper back and forth as you play such a..._silly_ game. Luffy wasn't as good at tic tac toe as he claimed to be, and you secretly let him beat you a couple times. You don't know why you're being so nice to him, you don't know why you're _bothering_, but you can tell this means a lot to the raven-haired boy. Probably for a reason that you might never know about.

You can tell by how he looks at you, you can tell that maybe he's been waiting for someone to sit across from him and play a simple game of tic tac toe with him. You win another round, and he groans, narrowing his eyes but there's no real malice in his glare. You grin smugly, dropping the pen and pushing the paper towards him.

"I win."

He grabs the pen and throws it at your face, and you can't help but flinch and laugh when he does. When was the last time you truly laughed like this? _Enjoyed yourself_?

This boy is _dangerous_, but you'll allow yourself this much for now.

* * *

Luffy decides to follow you around everywhere today. You can't say it doesn't annoy you to hell and back, but at the same time, having company wasn't _all_ too bad. Even if it was an annoying kid-Luffy may be 20, but he was so childish you kept forgetting. But in a way...it was refreshing. Everything about your life is serious and lonely and shrouded by a thick fog made of your countless struggles. You _still_ kind of wish Luffy would stop talking so damn much and trying to climb on top of you like a _monkey_.

"Don't you have any other friends?" You can't help but ask when he pauses for a breath, and he quickly nods with a wide grin.

"I do! I have Zoro, Nami, Chopper, Usopp, Franky, Robin, Sanji, Br-"

"Okay, okay, I get it. Why aren't you hanging out with them today?" If he had so many friends, why was he out alone? Why did you get stuck with him, anyways?

"...Because. The bookstore was a place I went to with Ace. Not them."

It's suddenly silent. You had been wishing for quietness just a moment ago, but this was almost painful. The tension is thick, heavy, and you probably shouldn't have asked. It...was kind of rude, even for you, and it apparently brought up something heavy. You realize this is probably a touchy topic, and you feel a little guilty and regretful for bringing it up in the first place. He doesn't seem mad, though-but his smile has disappeared. You catch yourself actually missing seeing a grin on his face-a frown doesn't suit him well.

Well, it's not like you care _that_ much(or perhaps, maybe you do).

"And I wanted to hang out with Law." It is spoken somewhat softly, which is out of character for the energetic, loud hoodie-wearing boy. His smile returns, and you feel a bit of relief washing over you. You reach over and ruffle his hair, not meeting his eyes for even a second. He's looking straight at you, though, in an almost curious manner.

"Well, you're getting what you wanted, huh?"

He just nods, smiling to himself. What a strange person, Luffy is.

* * *

You take Luffy out for dinner at Burger King, which apparently is probably the best thing you've done for him all day if going by his reaction. The amount of food he orders is unreal-thank _god_ this place is cheap. You make good money, but you aren't ready to blow it all on someone you hardly know. You still don't even know why you're bothering with him right now.

Probably because he won't leave you alone, you decide.

You order chicken strips, fries, and a water-extremely simple compared to Luffy's large order. As soon as you get it(it comes out a little slower than usual-but you can't really blame them when you see the three trays of food you now have), Luffy starts digging in. It's interesting, dinner is mostly quiet, probably for the reason that the other male is stuffing his face with cheeseburgers. You take this relaxing silence and savor it before the raven haired boy starts talking again.

The food doesn't shut him up for long, though. Damn.

He starts talking in jumbled sentences, his mouth still full of food, and you have _no_ idea what he's saying.

"Don't talk with your mouth full," you say with a disapproving frown, narrowing your eyes. Seriously, does he have no manners?

He swallows down what he was chewing, burping at an obnoxiously loud volume. You scrunch your face up in distaste, but he continues on anyways. Yup, he's got no manners.

"I was _asking_ if I could have your number! We could hang out again!"

"No." You think that is a very bad idea.

"Fine, I'll give you mine!"

You don't have a moment to refuse, he's already grabbing a pen from his pocket and writing it in his notebook from earlier. He tears it off and shoves it in your pocket before you have a chance to stop him.

He finishes off the rest of his french fries before getting up and stretching. He pauses before ruffling your hair, causing you to scowl at him in return, but he doesn't seem to care.

"I liked when you ruffled my hair, so I'm ruffling your hair as thanks for the food. I'm going now, let's talk again, okay?"

He's gone before you have a chance to say anything.

You take out the paper with his phone number on it and you are tempted to throw it in the bin, but instead you just shove it back into your pocket and sigh softly. That Luffy is _impossible_, you have come to realize.

You get up and throw away all of the trash, leaving Burger King wearing a smile you hadn't noticed you had until you felt it fade it away at the sudden loneliness. You tell yourself that you are finally glad to get the silence and peace you had been craving all day. But deep down, you know that you are hardly fooling yourself.

It's dark out, and you realize that maybe you _won't_ actually throw away Luffy's number.

When you get home, you turn on the light and fall asleep on the couch. You sleep all night for the first time in weeks.

* * *

You spend your next day off sleeping and watching soap operas. You have a _lot_ of sleep to catch up on-and you wonder if this temporary relaxed state you are in is because of how much Luffy exhausted you yesterday. Yeah, it was because he exhausted you. That's all there is to it.

There's _no_ way hanging out with that annoying kid actually made you truly happy.

There's _no_ specific reason you still have his number scribbled onto that paper sitting on your kitchen table.

You hardly make friends, you prefer to stick to professional relationships only. More friends just meant people trying to drag you out and pester you to talk to them, and that's something you really, _really_ don't like dealing with. So you just don't bother. Why in the _world_ would you make an exception for someone who would pester you and bother you more than an average person was?

You decide to stop thinking so much about it and turn your attention back to the soap opera on TV. These things are so ridiculous, you have _no_ idea why you're watching them. But it's the only thing on right now and you _might_ want to know if Robby was really cheating on Diana and if Jack was going to leave Pam for Lola.

But that probably wasn't the reason.

You fall asleep again, the TV still going, and you expect peaceful sleep, but you have nightmares again.

You can't wake up. You know it's a dream, but it feels so _real_. You see his dead, bloody body on the floor-you call out to him. He can't hear you. Of course he can't, he never could. He won't ever again.

When you finally wake up, your face is wet with tears again.

At least you got a good amount of sleep before your bad dreams came back, right? Think about the positive.

_Nothing about your life is very positive._

You didn't even get to find out if Robby was cheating on Diana or not. You get up and make yourself another cup of coffee, but this time you make it how you like it. That's a small step forward. Small, but...

You _might_ just be getting somewhere.

* * *

**alright! next chapter i'll still be doing 2nd person POV but it will be from luffy's perspective. i will be switching off once in awhile, but don't worry, i wont be switching within chapters and i'll make sure you know which character is the main focus! ****  
****remember positive feedback and comments really help me out.**


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